Urge surfing, Life is a Trip, surfing vs, drowning

I just learned about the term "Urge Surfing".
It applies to addictions - but I believe it could come into play with feelings of frustration, guilt, anger - those times of fight or flight when you feel you might (or want to) give up and do something stupid.

The idea is to think of the urge, issue, frustration, trigger point etc. as a large wave -- and it's peaking.... think about riding that wave, get on top of it... surf the urge.  Eventually, as sure as the world turns -- that wave is going to break and plummet and recede.  So if you can surf on top and ride the urge - you can ride it down.  Own it, rather than it owning you.  Ok, yes, the wave will crest again -- but perhaps not nearly as large and you can surf it even easier. Then again - it can hit Tsunami proportions -- well, imagine the power in at least trying to command that friggin wave and not succumbing to it -- even that waves gotta come down some time.

I've Urge Surfed I realize -- figuratively through years of abuse/PTSD -- the drill.

 But I also did it literally - alone, in the middle of the night on a wild beach in Costa Rica - I've traveled the world alone... a lot.

I hit the crest of a wave, thrilled by the power - but one of them, it took me out.  I was tumbled under - realizing no chance for air - and there were rocks coming up around shore. I wondered how soon it'd be before I lost consciousness -- or banged my body head into the shore and how long it'd be before anyone found me -- and how much that mattered.  Weird thing here -- I never felt so alive, so curious - so relaxed in having tried and lost control.  I did get tumbled out onto shore - and was dazed and confused. But I felt so alive - so in charge of where I could go next, what I could do.  I did not let that wave break me. If if did, so be it, but I surfed it -- no it was not smart but it was empowering - I realized in this case.... I made the choice, I was not a victim to a perp. I was victim to my own experience, my own choice. I realized, this is the direction I needed to go -- to make my choices,,, MY CHOICES.   This wave taught me the difference between the power of Thoughts (figurative Urge Surfing) and Action (surfing).  We have so much more power over not allowing thoughts to tumble us under -- we can Choose before we Act. If we choose to React to the Urge -- chaos.

I always wondered what it would be like to be one of those people who just coasts through life -- but then... I love adventure, I do take risk -- I am working on making the choices that are right for me (I just trashed a terrifically good paying job - because it was toxic hell) and I never felt more sure. Scared yes, but clear and hopeful.  All part of reinventing self.

Coasting would be boring -- at the very least I know I've lived one hell of a life - and though Im angry at some of what I went through - ... this time, I will make the choices - if I choose to surf the urges and follow my intiution.

I def need a few more surf lessons -- this I know.  I did learn where to find Costa Ricas best Lemonade -- Life is a trip.

A small emergency aid when someone grates on your self-esteem

Knowing you are a good person can get you through anything. I've been terrorized and brutalized more times than I can count - but for today; I was thinking of the smaller moments that catch you off guard and can wound if not careful.  I was thinking of a young pretty waitress I met yesterday. She was being reprimanded and condescended to for no reason save for the sick satisfaction it gave the current patron in question to be domineering and a bit sadistic.

The waitress stood there and took it with grace, but I could see the slight lilt in her posture, the change in her expression. 

So, I had a little talk when she came around to serve me my drink at the pool. 

Here is what we chatted about: 

Me: 7 years of cocktail waitressing - the usual need to pay for college etc...

Burned my waitressing shoes after getting my Masters; my testament to leaving that part of life behind for good.

2 months later I found myself in need of work and it was back to cocktailing at a posh hotel nightclub. Of course the patrons there;  and yes I'm talking the women... on dates with their considerably older, wealthy men, would look me up and down and sneer at me. The favorite would be the condescending way in which they would order and look at me with a smirk as though I was so beneath their stature.

Now of course having a thick skin is what gets most hospitality/service people through their days. Sometimes though a few bad days happen - or a rough home life is about all you can take and strangers battering against your your self-esteem fortress (plenty of that in future posts) well, sometimes they get through.

So here is what I've internalized and shared for over 15 years now with others I see being dealt with poorly by those they are attending to.  'Think to yourself... "I have to deal with you for maybe 20 minutes -  You, have to be 'that person' for the rest of your life". This is where the inner smile takes over and blooms into a warm generous service with a smile persona, regardless of what daggers may be thrown your way.  

Being a good person... If you know you are, you can get through anything
thought id end with a table i painted... its a big cable spool... fun to do it... love working in blue.